I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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