Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
