She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
