A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
bring money and cleavage
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
