Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
