It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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