I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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