Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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