Cold hands, warm shart.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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