I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
