She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
