Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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