the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
