Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
