This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
