My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
