oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
