Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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