i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
