By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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