So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
