She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate ashes out of my bong
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize