Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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