She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
