dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she told me i tasted like america
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
