he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize