ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
