Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
