i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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