these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
