Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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