First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
