I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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