yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Randomize
