careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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