theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
