I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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