She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
