I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
