Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
