I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
