who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
