So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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