i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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