you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
