Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize