Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
