Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
there is glitter all over my balls
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
