Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
