home. puking in laundry basket.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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