You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
