I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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