Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
