You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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