i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
