U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
