Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
