Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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