pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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