3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
